How to Write an Original Harry Potter FanFiction
by VanillanChocolate
Summary: Do you want to learn how to write a totally original HP fanfiction? Are you a person who has a sense of humor and has basic knowledge of what sarcasm is? Are you sick of reading endless cliches in the fandom? Then this fanfic will be perfect for you! :)
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. Or the cliches that come with the fandom.**

Today we'll be teaching you how to write a very...non-stereotypical, non cliche, and original Harry Potter fanfic. Please do not continue reading if you a) do not have a sense of humor, b) do not understand what sarcasm is, or c) seem to lack something like a brain.

The first thing you need to do is to learn a very important principle: Remember that grammar does not matter (ever), and what matters is updating quickly. I'm sure that the readers will understand what you are writing, no matter how horrendous your English is.

Hurry up with the summary and just get on with the fic. An excellent example would be the one below:

_dreco and harmoine liek fell in luv n stuff sumry socks but fic is rlllllllllly good !11! R &R OK NO FLAMENG!1111!1111_

Perfect summary right there. 10/10. You just got an Outstanding in the first lesson. Congratulations!

Next, remember that nothing is too extreme for the sake of (oh-so-glorious) reviews, this includes begging and whoring around for reviews. We will provide a very good demonstration of this:

_R & R!111! I WON'Y UPDETE UTINL I OLNY GET 200,000,000 REVIEWS OKA PIEEPS SEEW YAU! remmeber to reveiw, fav, folow, pm, prmoote, avdetrise, sahre wif all of yuor freidns, recomend wif all of yuor freidns, and stuff!1! so i can gotting sooooomeny reviws!1!1 tahnk yau xxxzzzzxxxzxxcxxxxxxxcxxxxssxzx_

Advice: Never be too shy with inserting A/Ns right in the middle of the story. It doesn't matter if it interrupts a very dramatic moment or the world is about to end, it won't hurt if you just add a (**A/N: ;) get the renfrecee?**) in the most intense part of the plot. No one will mind if you completely disrupt the flow of the story and destroy your whole story.

How to write in the angst genre: Remember to put the characters into horrid situations that would never happen, nothing is too tragic! Just have them angst about it and fall in love. And angst more. Have some drama happen and then have your character angst even more. If you read it and it makes you feel like committing suicide, you probably have the perfect amount of angst in there. Oh, and be very repetitive. An example will be below:

_Herry wailled tragicaly as he releived his perants veryyy tragical death, it was soo tragic, liek he was stil so tragic :((( He agnsetd abt da tragicnesss sedly, why was his life soo tragic lik it was SOOOO knot feeaeiiirrr D: :'( :'(!11!111!_

How to write in the humor genre: Make bad jokes. Make Chuck Norris jokes. Make lame jokes. Make knock-knock jokes no one will ever understand. There is no borderline to horrible jokes and don't be shy to reference it to something that you, and only _you _will understand. So long as you "get" the joke, everyone will.

How to write in the romance genre: Pairings? More like write all the characters' names into an empty shoebox, close your eyes, and then randomly pick two slips of paper out! We assure you that the two characters will undoubtedly be the BEST couple in the universe and they will always have so much chemistry, no matter how big an age gap, how problematic the situation, how stupid the idea of combining the two, how they clash with each other's personality in every way... They will be the best couple in the fandom, don't worry.

Right, we forgot to tell you about the hassle that comes with using an OC. If you ever decide to make an OC, remember that he or she must look absolutely perfect, and they must have dated all the young canon characters of the opposite gender (and a couple of older ones too). They must have multi colored eyes [example: her eyes were mesmerizing, like a beautiful blending kaleidoscope of colors] and any color used to describe them must be associated with food or the environment. Chocolate-colored eyes? Nah. Why not mud-colored eyes? Icy blue eyes? Of course! It's the most original thing I've seen since "sky-colored eyes" (ocean-blue eyes was a close second, though). But you should totally use the idea! It will add a lot of depth to your character, trust me. If they have brown hair, it MUST be "chocolate" colored hair, not "brown", because food makes everything sound better. Right? Right.

Never ever hesitate when it comes to completely destroying your characters (or, well, JK Rowling's characters). Hermione can have the intelligence of a box of crayons, Harry can have the immortality of a dying snail, Ron has blue hair and red eyes (no, I didn't mix them up), and Professor Snape can be the most cheerful person you ever meet. Oh, and did I mention that Draco is very friendly to everyone (especially Neville Longbottom) and is always a total Gryffindor to the heart!

Yup, I think we've covered some of the basic topics today. We've made some fantastic progress today. Look forward to the next lesson of _How to write an original Harry Potter fanfic_!

**R & R!111! I WON'Y UPDETE UTINL I OLNY GET 200,000,000 REVIEWS OKA PIEEPS SEEW YAU! remmeber to reveiw, fav, folow, pm, prmoote, avdetrise, sahre wif all of yuor freidns, recomend wif all of yuor freidns, and stuff!1! so i can gotting sooooomeny reviws!1!1 tahnk yau xxxzzzzxxxzxxcxxxxxxxcxxxxssxzx**

**Just kidding! xD No, really, we're not serious (*insert a "I'm totes sirius" joke here if you want to make the most non-cliche joke in the fandom*). Thanks for reading, and tell us what you would like to see for the next chapter! :) **

**-Vanillanchocolate**


	2. Character Constructing: Harry and Ginny

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. Or the cliches that come with the fandom. **

Following on from last lesson (in which we taught you how to write summaries, A/Ns, and summarized a little bit of how to write different types of genres, as well as teaching you how to create your own OC. Today, however, we will be taking on a whole new different type of challenge: constructing the characters Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley in your very own fanfiction.

Since this is your fanfic, you can do whatever you like with the characters (in this case, Harry Potter). Having a rich and powerful Harry Potter is a very underused plotline, so we would strongly recommend that. I mean, why would the Potter fortune ever be limited? His vault at Gringotts is never too empty, always filled with expensive paintings and expensive family heirlooms and expensive antiques and expensive jewellery and expensive furniture and expensive crests and of course, loads of money! (Basically lots of _expensive _stuff.)

Harry Potter, despite being a mediocre student in JK Rowling's actual series, is the smartest wizard in his year (even better than Hermione, obviously - haven't you seen that scene in the books where he coaches her and Ron how to do homework but then loses patience and stomps off to a girl's toile...I mean, boy's toilet?). Here is an example of what you should write when you are describing his talents:

_omg!1! liek hrary poter hav the abiiity to, liek, turn into animlas or somethin, o rite he is mettttamooorphugus or animeaaaagus or smth, anywayz in the frist year, isntead of siting with rolnad wesleyy on the express of hogwartes, he didnt ned to tak any trian COS HE TELEPORTTED DERE SUCKERS! ahah an he can becone a pheonix and a stag and a grim and a unicorn and loads of otherr magica animels!_

When he was born, he was already fully capable of wandlessly casting spells, silently casting spells, casting spells during his sleep, controlling all four elements of life, bringing people back to life, casting wards that were stronger than Hogwarts' wards, casting Legilimency and Occlumency, casting the unforgivable curses only about a million times better than Bellatrix herself, creating another planet for everyone to live in, stopping the power of the sun, changing the lifespan of every other living being around him, and of course, casting a normal spell...around 10 times more powerful that is. By the way, Harry happens to also be a direct descendant of all 4 founders.

Also, I cannot stress the importance of always remembering that Harry Potter is a god (Voldemort? What do you mean a god is supposed to defeat Voldemort in the first try?). A god of handsomeness, talent, creativity and wisdom combined in a stunning beacon of appeal and sexiness. This, of course, is precisely the reason _why _all the girls - and some guys too (yes, even McGonagall and Snape) - will always drool over him and LOVE him to death. Here's an demonstration of what you should write to describe his harem of followers (well, a particular one, at least):

"_heer hv liek 259,087,400 house pts, GRYFFINDOR DA BEST, slydarin REAL sucks, like yolo and swag, u won house cup, u won qudditch, u so talented, can i kiss u plzzzz" snape propssed, a ring box in his hand._

By the way, even though Harry and Ginny have been flirting for all their school years, dated a little, married each other, have a family in the canon version of Harry Potter, that doesn't matter. Always ship them with different people to keep up the trend. Harry dating a professor who died only about 982 centuries ago? They're definitely soulmates. Ginny and someone she would like to murder would also totally have an happy ending.

Speaking of Ginny, let's move on to the next lesson - constructing Ginny Weasley's character. She seems like your typical fiery, rash (sorry, I meant overly impulsive...) redhead from the Weasley family, but you can actually add a lot of depth to her character.

If you're deciding to go with a canon pairing like Ginny/Harry, we have some advice for you (yay you)! Remember that Ginny is _never ever ever ever _the one who stays at home taking care of the kids and waiting for her beloved husband to come back. Also, she practically never has a Quidditch-related career, so feel free to use that idea.

Here's some more advice about how she takes part in usual Gryffindor-exclusive/Golden Trio-exclusive friendly discussions. She's never ever _ever_ that 'evil friend' who plays matchmaker to... about every single person Hermione falls in love with in every single Hermione fanfiction, nor is she the person who casts _eeevil_ spells to force Hermione to confess her love or anything.

Ginny may seem like a easy character to describe, but this is actually not the case! You may think that you can just add "red hair, blue eyes", but you _have _to use this most original and non stereotypical way of describing her physical attributes.

_Giny Wesaley. flameng red hair, sparkly sparekly blue blue eyes (#so cute!111!111!), also her eye alwayz hv like mnay mnay differant emootins,, AND dey look like beautifol beutiful blue blu blee blue blue bleu blue blue bue bleu blue blu sky, which is vary very vwry batiful!_

I mean, you always have to emphasize the fact that someone's physical attributes stand out, right? I mean, who cares if you repeat the word 'blue' fifteen times (well, three quarters of them are totally not mispelled, but...), am I right? This only makes her physical attributes more..._batiful_!

**(Okay, that was such a horrible pun it wasn't even a pun.)**

**Anyway, this chapter was suggested by datbenik513 (we hope you enjoyed it! xD), so have a virtual cookie for giving us some prompts for the Harry Potter character-constructing bit. Also, if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to tell us in a message or review! :)**

**-Vanillanchocolate**


	3. Character Constructing: Mary Sue

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. Or the cliches that come with the fandom.**

In this lesson, we will be teaching you how to construct a very basic and original character: Mary Sues. There is just one very basic and important rule about these types of characters. They are perfect, no matter if it would be their magical ability, their family background, their emotional stability, their talent, their appearance... You hear me? Every single thing = perfection.

Our first tutorial in this lesson will be how to describe a Mary Sue's appearance. Long, swaying hair that glistens in the sunlight, beautiful eyes that would capture any boy's heart, and a figure worthy of America's Top Model (disregarding the fact that they might only be around 12 years old). Here's an excellent demonstration:

_she has really pritty, like, strewberry blonde but like not totally blonde, still like hazelnot brownish, and she has nice blue eyes to match like her hair, cos blu is rlly rlly preetttyy. also she smell like alstroemeria, amaranthus, amaryllis, anemone, anthurium, aster, roses, lilacs, calla, chrysanthemum spray, sunflowers, coxcomb, delphinium, daffodil, dahlia, fressia, gerbera, ginger, hycainth, heather, liatris, lily, orchid, snapdragon, tulip, stock_

_and like only a thousend mroe flewors heheeh_

Mary Sues seem to have so many magical abilities, to emphasize their flawlessness, they have multiple animagus forms, can cast a patronus in the First Year, and have the immunity of a god (They sacrifice themselves for a love interest and get shot by an _Avada Kedavra_? Chances are, they will probably have ancient love magic that is connected to their loved one, and therefore is stuck in a coma until one day BOOM. Alive again. Marriage. Family. (Optional) epilogue. The end and happily ever after).

Of course, to complete a Mary Sue (We're not saying that all Mary Sues have this, but most of them do) they must have tragic pasts and deceased parents. They will be strong, and brave, and selfless, and will _never ever ever _confide this top secret information to any other people (excluding their love interests, of course...Because, uh, obviously you would tell a guy you met for 2 days your whole life story). Here's an example of what you should totally do!

_loads of tears forme d in her eyes and then she got so sad bcos she dont want to tell any1 abt her really sad past and her dead perants, whyyyy r the slytheerin girlz so mean!? pansy shud notbully her for such thing she cannt helP!1!1! her parents r daed and cant hekp her, she has suchhhh a tragic tragic life, how dere dey not feel sed 4 her :( :( :( _

They also happen have a startling resemblance to literal human perfection. I mean, if you could find all the good aspects (selflessness, kindness, generosity, wisdom, et cetera) possible in humankind, said Mary Sue would definitely have all of these aspects. They would be ridiculously selfless and generous - popular and lovable - clever and knowledgeable,

Mary Sues are never the 'transfer student'. (Sarcasm, dear reader.) They will always be the one all the boys' heads turn to, the one girls gaze at with admiration or jealousy, and the one who looks 'strikingly beautiful', they have inhumane attributes such as eyes that change color, hair that can change length and so on (the author is convinced that this makes their character more beautiful).

_every1 stare at her, jaws open and widenedd eyes, they all gasp at her BEAUTY and PERFECTIon lik omggg shes so pretty! amazing right? shes like so cute adn all the girlz are jealous and every1 is just like, waitin 4 her the sorting hat 2 like, give her a house dat will also determnie their lvoe interest!1! hah very romance, rite_

The next tutorial in this lesson will be teaching you how to pair random male characters (or female, if you want) with the Mary Sue. Usually this is accomplished by a guy just falling in love with the Mary Sue ("Oh, I'm just dazzled by your brilliant magical ability and perfect appearance! Can I marry you?") or this horrendously angsty story where the guy spends 101% of the plot trying to pursue the girl.

Now the next thing you need to do is identify which male character you're shipping the Mary Sue with. Hagrid/OC? Great! Professor Flitwick/OC? No problem! Ron/OC? Sure, they're super original and creative options. You could also go with Dead!Person/OC (very underused) or Flower/OC (because that's totally related to HP) or Butterfly!Dumbledore/OC (of course Dumbledore has colorful wings! He has a beard too, to match, because duh!). Let your imagination flow, and I'm sure that everything will be flawless!

I'm also very sure that your readers will be pleased when Mary Sues finally break down and their 'super cool facade' melts away, leaving an beautiful, generous, warm heart...that apparently needs comforting from Mary Sue's boyfriend? Oh, right. I forgot. Mary Sues are perfect and very strong until they are in a 100-meter-range of their love interest in which they become clumsy idiots, have the IQ of a dead snail, gets struck by a fatal curse but then survives, suddenly start crying, and have a horrendous case of brain damage after falling down the stairs, but somehow survive anyway. Here's an example for those who feel a little bewildered:

_mary sue kills 10 death eater (includes bellatix, luciuz, rodulphes and all the scary death eaters), voldemort (harry? harry who?) in 2 nanosecs, and then she walk to where her SUPERAWED botfriend is and suddenly OH MY GOD trips!111! emergency! she bruissed her kne and need hopital now, so boyfrind cary her, bridel stlye cos its rly cute k ME BEYFRIEND AND ME ALWYAS DO IT, ITS RLY CUTE OK DONT JUDGE ME AHAH3xx_

"The plot must go on" says a fellow author as she puts her Mary Sue into impossible situations that normal people would never be able to get out of. However, her Mary Sue and her love interest will always come out alive, their romance burning like a strong, passionate fire (insert scoff here).

**Hope that wasn't too cheesy? Ehehe. Leave us a review and tell us if you know where that song reference (see: "The plot must go on") comes from! ;) As usual, if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to tell us and we'll try to incorporate it in the next chapter! xD **

**-Vanillanchocolate**


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